Radical Candor: I reveal myself and invite others to reveal themselves in order to build understanding and connection

How radical candor can help us build more meaningful and effective relationships

Share good news. Ignite change.

Radical candor, the short version

We are often taught to be “professional” or “if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.” We learn to conceal rather than reveal our true feelings. Radical candor is the practice of revealing our whole selves to others – engaging authentically, directly, and with vulnerability.

Radical candor, the longer version

At work and in our personal lives, our internal experiences and views are often not obvious to or expected by those around us. We feel angry when it’s not polite or appropriate. We oppose a decision that is widely supported. Or we have some facts that might disappoint or confuse.

Conventional wisdom tells us to conceal these parts of ourselves – to be “professional” or polite or to not say anything if we don’t have anything nice to say. We should hide our true feelings, because doing otherwise might unnecessarily rock the boat or expose ourselves to criticism and social isolation.

Such concealment can often help us get ahead in the short-term. We are seen as team players, easygoing, and rarely make people feel challenged or uncomfortable. But there are also often high costs to concealing ourselves in this way. We blunt our creativity and therefore our passion and drive. We are forced to accept outcomes that we don’t agree with. Our organizations aren’t exposed to viewpoints that might ultimately be critical to their success. They move forward with decisions that may be not truly supported by those tasked with implementing them.

Radical candor is the practice of revealing our whole selves to others – engaging authentically, directly, and with vulnerability. It has emerged as a popular concept in many organizations over the last few years – enough so to get parodied on a episode of HBO’s Silicon Valley. At it’s core, it’s about choosing to reveal ourselves respectfully and authentically rather than conceal and manipulate. It’s also about letting go of controlling situations or needing to be right. Rather, with radical candor, you are authentic to your viewpoint while acknowledging its just one of many.

Candor – Above the line (conscious) and below the line (unconscious). Source: Conscious Leadership Group: https://conscious.is/15-commitments.

Candor might be revealing to a boss that something they said made you feel uncomfortable. It might be acknowledging that a new business strategy makes you feel scared and concerned about the company’s future. It might be sharing that you aren’t really doing fine today, something in your personal life is troubling and distracting you.

Some use the concept of radical candor to justify being overly blunt, aggressive, and toxic. They say whatever comes to mind without considering how it might be received and say that they are just practicing candor. This isn’t candor. You can’t truly practice candor without caring for others. Candor is about connecting ourselves to other. Without caring and sensitivity, candor becomes destructive aggression.

Image result for radical candor"
Care personally and challenge directly. Source: Radical Candor by Kim Scott, https://www.radicalcandor.com/

Imagine a world when you know what others truly think and feel and others know what you yearn for and are scared of. Imagine what you could accomplish together when everything is out on the table, everyone is fully seen and heard, and everything is up for discussion and consideration. That is radical candor.

Recommended reading

15 Commitments To Conscious Leadership

Conscious leadership offers the antidote to fear. These pages contain a comprehensive road map to guide you to shift from fear-based to trust-based leadership. Once you learn and start practicing conscious leadership you’ll get results in the form of more energy, clarity, focus and healthier relationships.

Peter Schulte

Peter Schulte is the founder and editor of Kindling. Peter is also Senior Digital Engagement Associate for the Pacific Institute and the UN Global Compact's CEO Water Mandate, connecting businesses to sustainable water practices. Peter holds a B.S. in Conservation and Resource Studies and a B.A. in Comparative Literature from University of California, Berkeley, and an M.B.A. in Sustainable Systems from Pinchot University. He lives in Bellingham, WA, USA with his wife, son, and cat.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *