I’ve been thinking a lot about the role of wanting in my life. I’ve watched my wanting evolve for decades. First, I wanted to be protected. Next, I wanted the kids at school to like me. Next, I wanted to get good grades and to achieve. Next, I wanted to make music and be seen as creative. Next, I wanted to smoke a bunch of weed and be free. Next, I wanted to build a better world. Next, I wanted to be more mindful.
Now, I want to want less.
The content is different, but the heart of it stays the same: I believe there is some hole in me that needs to be filled, so that I can be better, so that I can be whole.
What I’m beginning to see is that there are two distinct voices within me. There’s the one I’ve been listening to loyally my whole life that is telling me that I am incomplete and wants to be whole. And then there’s the one who has been waiting patiently, telling me I am whole as I am, and calling me down the right path of my life, like a beacon in the fog.
What might my life bring if I became loyal to this second voice instead?