I haven’t been sleeping well for weeks. I find myself awake at 5am, 4am, 3am, my mind racing and unable to calm itself. On Thursday night, I had a powerful dream:
I have just joined a community theater group. It is the first night of our production. I am playing a character named “Action” in a play about protest and social change. I realize that I don’t know any of my lines. I don’t know where to stand or when I come on. I don’t know anything about acting. I am completely unprepared.
I sense that there is no director, no one willing or able to guide me or offer me support. I feel alone. I realize that I cannot act tonight. It’s not that I am too nervous or shy; it’s that I am simply not equipped to do it.
The group is frustrated with me. I have let them down. I feel embarrassed. Part of me thinks I should just quit and walk away forever.
But another, louder part of me knows I am very capable of playing “Action” and knows that I yearn for it. I console myself by remembering that this is just the first night. I can see that soon enough I will look back on this misstep and laugh. I will not let this deter me. I will act and it will be beautiful.
Since then, I’ve been sleeping just fine.