Half an avocado

Half an avocado

I use food as a reward. After a stressful day or on vacation, I find something tasty to indulge in. It never feels as good as I want it to. It never fills the hole I’m looking it to fill. 

This weekend, my three-year-old Owen and I picked up some Taco Time for dinner. I got him a burrito and tater tots. But really, it was an excuse for me to get my own burrito and tater tots.

What I learned for the umpteenth time is that Owen doesn’t give food the meaning I do. He didn’t care about the burrito. All he wanted was half an avocado. I kept trying to coax him into eating his burrito, but he just wanted the avocado.

As this was happening, it became obvious what I was doing. I was watching myself teach Owen my own bad habits. I was using him to get what I wanted for myself. I was teaching him my addiction, so I didn’t feel alone in it.

I stopped. I put the burrito away. I let the avocado be enough. 

What a relief and revelation to see clearly that, for him, there is no hole that needs to be filled.

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